Therapy has become more common these days and the idea of seeing a therapist is not nearly as hush-hush as it used to be (thank goodness)! However, therapy still seems to maintain the image of a “crazy” patient laying on a couch talking to a wise, all knowing therapist who says things like, “Mmm hmmm. And how did that make you feel? Tell me about your relationship with your mother.” (ok, yes, sometimes we do ask those questions…). But, allow me to peel back the curtain a little!
1) Therapists are human
We come with our own human flaws, challenged relationships, and struggles. Sometimes we lose our cool, make unfortunate life decisions, or have no idea what the heck we are doing in our personal lives. Often, we have our own therapists! We are well educated and trained on how work with people going through challenging life experiences but, we are definitely not exempt from them. Although most of us attempt to practice what we preach, we are, above all, human. Can you ask us about our personal lives? Sure. You can ask. We may not answer. This might be because it is important that the session is focused on you and does not become about us. This boundary is important to uphold so that we have a therapuetic relationship and not a friendship relationship. However, some therapists are ok with sharing some things about their personal lives. Its ok to ask if you are curious. Also, most TV therapist characters are cringe worthy. When we watch those shows you might hear a "What the #*$^@ are they doing? You can't do that in real life!" come out of our mouths.
2) We aren’t analyzing people all the time
This is a scene I encounter almost every time I meet new people:
Person -“What do you do for a living?”
Me – “I am a therapist.”
Person – “Oh, like a physical therapist?”
Me – “Nope, a mental health therapist. A counselor.”
Person – “Oh, I better be careful what I say *wink, wink*,” or “You are a therapist? Great! I am dealing with this thing [insert TMI].”
Well…therapists generally aren’t analyzing all the time. Yes, I definitely give my therapist-y perspective on things to people in my personal life here and there and I do genuinely love talking about psychology, relationships, and emotions. But, refer to #1. Also, we don't always want to be in the therapist role. Its not actually good for us (or you as a client).
3) We genuinely care about how you are doing and hope we can help
Nothing more to say here. True statement.
4) Sometimes we wish we could just say “STOP IT!”
…or more accurately, “you are so worthy of love, I wish you could deeply believe that for yourself,” or “make ____ decision next time!” But, we won’t and know it is really not that easy or you wouldn’t be here. We’ll try as best we can to meet you where you are and walk with you in order to figure it out. It can be hard for us to watch you in pain or to struggle. But, it is your life, your decisions, and ultimately your path. We have to respect that and also respect the role we play in your journey as your therapist (vs your friend or family member).
5) Sometimes we don’t know how to help you
We have studied, passed licensing exams, gained experience, and usually have a general sense of what is going on and how we may be of assistance. However, each person is unique with their own unique challenges. Everyone needs something different and responds to things differently. Sometimes we seek confidential consultation to help us help you. The image of the “all knowing” therapist is not accurate.
6) We try to leave our stuff at the door so we can be present with you
Ever have a screaming toddler spill milk in the car on your way to work, then realize you left your cell phone at home, then finally to get to the office and realize you put on two different shoes? Yep, us too. But, if we are meeting with you, we try to leave that stuff at the door. You want to talk about your screaming toddler, mis-matched shoes, and cell phone mishap. Part of our job is to be there for you.
7) No two therapists are the same
Our therapeutic practices are as unique as we are and thank goodness for that! Everyone needs something different! Maybe you need a therapist that hardly says anything during session while you lay on a couch and spill your guts. Maybe you need a therapist that cries with you and suggests expressing your feelings through art and dance. Maybe you need a therapist that is familiar with and practicing a certain faith. The #1 factor that contributes to successful therapy is the level of trust and positive regard a patient feels about the therapeutic relationship. Therapy is a unique profession in that the therapist themself is a major part of the job (along side our approach and the techniques we use). Find a good fit for you! Also, if we feel like we aren’t the best fit or can think of another therapist that might be more helpful, it is our obligation to say so and provide the recommendation.
8) You are not crazy if you see a therapist
People see therapists for a variety of reasons. It does not mean you are broken, crazy, or weak. It can mean a variety of things and therapists aren’t only there for people who are at whits end. Maybe you are confused about a situation, emotion, or relationship and just want an unbiased person to bounce ideas off of for a session or two. Maybe you and your partner need a relationship tune-up. Maybe your child is behaving in ways that are confusing and some parent coaching would be helpful. Maybe you would like to use therapy as a tool for personal exploration and growth. Or maybe it is that you are really struggling and need some help ASAP. Whatever it is, its ok. Lets stop the stigma already.
9) Insurance can be really challenging to work with and overhead is costly
A lot of therapists choose not to work with insurance companies. Why? Sometimes they don't pay us much or require that we diagnose and follow treatment plans that we don't clinically or ethically agree with. Insurance companies can be a hassle to work with and sometimes we can't actually get in their network even when we try. It is tricky because most of us want therapy to be accessible and affordable for clients but taking insurance doesn't always work for various reasons. I am often asked "Why is therapy so expensive?" The answer is generally that you are paying for the therapist's education and expertise (minimum of a master's degree with additional required continuing educational training plus additional certifications that many of us have), annual licensing fees, health insurance that we pay ourselves, malpractice and/or business insurance, retirement plans, medical record systems that we are required to have, and the cost of a therapy office and all the furnishings...you get the idea. For those of us that are in a private practice, everything that you would get from a corporate job, we pay for ourselves. Our primary concern and number one ethical responsibility is the care you are receiving from us. We don't always openly talk about the financial or business part of it because that is not something for you to concern yourself with. However, that is why therapy can be expensive.
10) We can’t actually “fix” you (also...you aren't broken!)
You aren’t actually going to see major change simply by sitting on the couch or writing us a check. Therapy isn't like taking a pill that makes you feel different overnight (although sometimes things can change quickly or epiphanies can create some dramatic shifts). You have to show up to start the process and we are a part of that but YOU are actually the key to your own wellness and YOU have to do the work. If we suggest something to try and you don’t try it – therapy might not help. If you are paying attention and on board in the therapy office but go home and do the exact thing you were doing before you sat on the couch – therapy might not help. If you aren’t being open and honest within the therapeutic relationship – therapy might not help. If I could snap my fingers and create self-compassion, motivation to implement change, and erase everything bad that happened to you in session or two…I would! However, we can only guide, support, offer skills/education, and provide a space for you to do the work. And by the way, sometimes medication is really helpful! So is going to the gym! So is that vacation that you keep meaning to take! But like I recently heard somewhere, "Saying you don't need therapy because you go to the gym is like saying you don't need to go to a hairstylist because you have a gardener. Its just not the same thing."
Of course this list could go on and this does not speak for every therapist out there, whatsoever! But, I do hope this sheds some light on misconceptions and answers some questions that might be lingering out there. I also hope it might even help someone make the call to start therapy if they have been too nervous to do so! Please call! We are here to help.
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